Griffin's Story
Autism. It’s becoming an increasingly recognized word in our modern age. It’s often used as an insult by people who don’t actually know the definition. If you’ve just reached for your phones to read what the definition actually is, don’t bother. That’s what this entire dialogue is for. Save yourself the trouble and just wait until the end of… God I hate to consider this an essay, but it kinda is. Regardless, let’s take a look at autism.
A lot of people see autism as something awful. A curse that cripples people and limits their potential. I’d like to respond with Einstein, Mozart, and Aykroyd! Autism isn’t as much of a curse as people seem to think it is. Then again, every case of autism is different, and we all tend to have slightly different ideas of what it is. There is literally an entire spectrum of us after all. That’s right, there's so much stuff to autism that we get to be up there with light and have our own spectrum! So, I’m gonna give you the best definition I can give for autism based on my own personal experiences. Sound good? I doubt it, but what's… Eh, I actually don’t know how long it’ll take.
So, let’s start with the big question. “How do autistic people feel about crowds?” Well, that tends to vary a bit. For me, when I get into a crowd I lose most of my mental faculties and practically shut down. That's because I’m overloading with information. The constant barrage of noise and smell, combined with people bumping into me and so many different movements in one place… I can barely hold on to my language faculties. My automatic reaction is “You aren’t safe here, leave.” The reason for my overload is sort of because of a mixed up and down side of autism. Those of us with autism perceive information differently from “normal” people.
I’m not kidding. The world seems completely different for me. At least, I think it is. Not sure how much of what I feel or see is actually the same as someone without autism. It’s all I’ve ever really known. It's difficult for me to describe how I see the world, so I'm just gonna describe it as living in the lyrics of a “Panic! at the disco” song. A lot of things become different from what they actually are. Tissue boxes become volcanoes, firelight becomes thousands of little fireflies, and butterflies become terrifying monsters with erratic patterns. Now that I think about it, this can also being described as having an overactive imagination.
Then we have sound… Sound changes everything. It can change how fast I move, think, talk, write, even my vision is affected by sound. Different sounds effect me in different ways. Let's go ahead and use the most basic example, music. Music makes me think either incredibly quickly, or unusually deeply. A part of that depends on the speed of the beat, and a part of it depends on the lyrics. (Assuming the song has them of course.) When I listen to a fast song without words, I tend to think about fights, and of course I do! It’s the epic music at the end of a climactic movie! But I also think about verbal fights. Sometimes they’re serious ones, but most of the time they’re casual insults being traded between friends. But if that same song had lyrics, it would become entirely different, and I’d probably think about combinations of words that flow with the lyrics and beat of the song.
I reckon now, you’re probably wondering how it felt to grow up with autism. Well, let me just say this, it was a mix. I dodged bullies every day, and I had a very close group of good friends. I still do actually, except now I’m friends with most of my high school, all… I don’t know, twenty eight of us? God my school is tiny. Anyways, I excelled in every course requiring intellectual knowledge, but struggled with team activities. Am I doing much to dissuade autism stereotypes yet? I never had a problem making up insults, but I never used them because I hated conflict. I also lean heavily on comedy to make myself feel comfortable in situations I’m unfamiliar with. For example, public speaking. I work in a lot of stupid humor that I (And most likely I alone) find funny to calm myself down. Even now, while I’m writing this, I’m working it in to help me avoid the thought of my work being judged by a lot of people. I’m scared of failure after all.
I guess I should probably wrap this up, because I don’t want to go into any more of a rambling diatribe on how autism is awesome. So let me just wrap this up with a general statement to anyone who's listening to this. Autism is not a curse, it’s a gift! A wild, chaotic, beautiful gift. Like life! Autistic people can do all sorts of things that “Normal” people can’t! Maybe we do need more help in social skills than others. But you know what? The normal people listening probably struggle with something just as much as we do! So, what’s the definition of autism for real? Human. That’s it. We aren’t any more or less, no matter what anyone thinks. You all expected that answer, of course. But hey, I have no problem falling into the obvious occasionally. After all, I’m only human.`
A lot of people see autism as something awful. A curse that cripples people and limits their potential. I’d like to respond with Einstein, Mozart, and Aykroyd! Autism isn’t as much of a curse as people seem to think it is. Then again, every case of autism is different, and we all tend to have slightly different ideas of what it is. There is literally an entire spectrum of us after all. That’s right, there's so much stuff to autism that we get to be up there with light and have our own spectrum! So, I’m gonna give you the best definition I can give for autism based on my own personal experiences. Sound good? I doubt it, but what's… Eh, I actually don’t know how long it’ll take.
So, let’s start with the big question. “How do autistic people feel about crowds?” Well, that tends to vary a bit. For me, when I get into a crowd I lose most of my mental faculties and practically shut down. That's because I’m overloading with information. The constant barrage of noise and smell, combined with people bumping into me and so many different movements in one place… I can barely hold on to my language faculties. My automatic reaction is “You aren’t safe here, leave.” The reason for my overload is sort of because of a mixed up and down side of autism. Those of us with autism perceive information differently from “normal” people.
I’m not kidding. The world seems completely different for me. At least, I think it is. Not sure how much of what I feel or see is actually the same as someone without autism. It’s all I’ve ever really known. It's difficult for me to describe how I see the world, so I'm just gonna describe it as living in the lyrics of a “Panic! at the disco” song. A lot of things become different from what they actually are. Tissue boxes become volcanoes, firelight becomes thousands of little fireflies, and butterflies become terrifying monsters with erratic patterns. Now that I think about it, this can also being described as having an overactive imagination.
Then we have sound… Sound changes everything. It can change how fast I move, think, talk, write, even my vision is affected by sound. Different sounds effect me in different ways. Let's go ahead and use the most basic example, music. Music makes me think either incredibly quickly, or unusually deeply. A part of that depends on the speed of the beat, and a part of it depends on the lyrics. (Assuming the song has them of course.) When I listen to a fast song without words, I tend to think about fights, and of course I do! It’s the epic music at the end of a climactic movie! But I also think about verbal fights. Sometimes they’re serious ones, but most of the time they’re casual insults being traded between friends. But if that same song had lyrics, it would become entirely different, and I’d probably think about combinations of words that flow with the lyrics and beat of the song.
I reckon now, you’re probably wondering how it felt to grow up with autism. Well, let me just say this, it was a mix. I dodged bullies every day, and I had a very close group of good friends. I still do actually, except now I’m friends with most of my high school, all… I don’t know, twenty eight of us? God my school is tiny. Anyways, I excelled in every course requiring intellectual knowledge, but struggled with team activities. Am I doing much to dissuade autism stereotypes yet? I never had a problem making up insults, but I never used them because I hated conflict. I also lean heavily on comedy to make myself feel comfortable in situations I’m unfamiliar with. For example, public speaking. I work in a lot of stupid humor that I (And most likely I alone) find funny to calm myself down. Even now, while I’m writing this, I’m working it in to help me avoid the thought of my work being judged by a lot of people. I’m scared of failure after all.
I guess I should probably wrap this up, because I don’t want to go into any more of a rambling diatribe on how autism is awesome. So let me just wrap this up with a general statement to anyone who's listening to this. Autism is not a curse, it’s a gift! A wild, chaotic, beautiful gift. Like life! Autistic people can do all sorts of things that “Normal” people can’t! Maybe we do need more help in social skills than others. But you know what? The normal people listening probably struggle with something just as much as we do! So, what’s the definition of autism for real? Human. That’s it. We aren’t any more or less, no matter what anyone thinks. You all expected that answer, of course. But hey, I have no problem falling into the obvious occasionally. After all, I’m only human.`